Struggling every year to keep your New Years Resolution? What exactly is a New Year’s Resolution to you? I like to think it’s a promise to oneself to improve their lives in one way or another for the new year.
Don’t believe the hype people
My issue with it is it’s really a trick we play on the brain, not so much a resolution at all. Mind over matter, right? We tell ourselves we want to change for the better, yet we also plan a day in the future to do it on. The brain just does not work that way.
Change today not tomorrow
If you really want to act on a desire or thought you must do it when you’re the most motivated. How do you know if you’re the most motivated? The most motivated you will every be about something is at the time of excitement. The first initial thought. Well if you think it you can achieve it, right?
Thinking about the way the human brain works…
At the moment your mind is telling you to lose weight for example that is when you should start creating a plan and putting it into action. They say it takes about 30 days to break a habit or make a habit routine. Why would you wait until you are no longer motivated such as next week or next year? Why would you allow the brain to go on to its next thought without acting on the thought before?
What happens psychologically speaking is…
Your body falls back into the normal routine you have set for yourself prior to your great idea to change. When the New Year comes your motivation is just zapped, you waited way too long. Your mind forgot how very important your thoughts at the time were to you.
About that word…change
Change tends to stay around much longer when we are naturally more motivated & when the change is not intimidating. Starting with small goals while working up to one big goal is the way to change. The failure to act right away can mean the difference between you walking to your destination vs you being dragged against your will.
What I am struggling to say is…
Normally when you want to do something and your motivation is all the way there you don’t need any help. Once you wait you will need someone to pretty much drag you kicking and screaming to just complete one small step towards your every goal.
Too much thinking and not so much doing is the road to failure and I don’t think you want to go that way. It is what it is, we are just so busy doing things we don’t want to do, spending time with people we don’t want to be around, and helping others way more than we help ourselves. You guessed it, it’s called work. Many of us have to prepare ourselves to go out in the world and work a job that we don’t like at all, that preoccupies our time.
This year & every year after, ditch the resolution and just start. Let’s agree a New Year’s Resolution is an excuse to not start something right away. A form of procrastination at it’s best! For example “Ill pay you back when I get my income tax check” you know how people say that just to make you feel better, then they get that income tax check and forget you existed.
Ten reasons many people struggle to keep New Years Resolutions
Just thinking about the resolution is too stressful
Some people are seriously afraid of failure
You have not tried the resolution before so you have self-doubt
The resolution is too unrealistic
Many people are surrounded by negative unsupportive people
You need a partner to encourage and motivate you
Some just don’t follow through & give up way too easy
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
feelings of severe despondency and dejection: self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression.
What is stress?
A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances
How are you feeling, honestly?
I’m curious to know if nobody has asked, how are you feeling? I’m asking because sometimes we are so busy we don’t even sit back and realize there’s been no self-care done for ourself.
We walk past those we know everyday just to hear them say “im fine” when really they are hurting so bad inside and need for you to noice! I understand it’s so much easier to say “im great” then to tell the truth. Many won’t care anyway so why bother? The body can be “petty” and require some simple “me time” when it’s feeling neglegted.
So much to do so many to help…
Work, kids schedules, the significant other, friends, your continuing education, etc. you’re so worried about everybody else you havent figured out your not superwomen! Well let me rephrase that you know your not but your mind wants to try, it sounds like a challenge.
News Flash, you can’t overload your computer with viruses and not expect it to crash just like you can’t overload your brain without emtional or physical crashes.
Been where you are believe me it’s a dark loney place…
Everybody is depending on you therefor you don’t want to let them down. The fact then remains your ok letting yourself down, I totally get it. Taking time for you is a bathroom break, then back to where you left off. I have four kids and I’m always telling them “be patient with me, there are four of you and one of me.” The “stress” monster had a hold of my mind!
Ever stress so much mentally you get physically sick?
I have been there more than I would like to admit. I also realized how toxic my mind gets when I fall into that routine. I tend to end up with stress triggers like fatigue, headaches, cold symptoms, upset stomach…ya know “the norm.”
I used to head on over to the good doc and he would take good care of me by putting me on an antidepressant that goes right to work on my already fragile brain…like scrambled eggs on sunday morning.
You think… “Could I be getting worst?”
I mean it attacks nerotransmitters you need to be functioning for alertness, learning, and thinking. The meds put them right to sleep. O’ no now the body is all confused and out of order! You have dementia symptoms, you become more depressed, your thyroid stops working, your body is storing everything as fat which just makes things worst.
Stress is chipping away at you and its starting to reflect on the outside as well…
Here goes the Anxiety kicking in…I thought the doctor was going to fix everything with the pill prescribed. I thought it would go right to work on my symptoms like the commercial showed!
Is it possible my body is different, my condition is different, my symptoms are caused by something different? Well the doctor talked for five minutes, I talked for five minutes and it took five minutes to check in, times up! I hate to be the barrier of bad news but everything your experiencing is going to take more time to figure out than that.
Again the body is only confused because you are trying to treat the problem with poison (all meds are poison). Of course the docs don’t say it that way, how would they make passive income?
We must try to fix the problem ourselves, get to the root of the problem ya know! Your doctor is there to treat your symptoms, not solve the problem so that it no longer exists.
This is where your self care comes into play. I always tell my patients nobody knows your body better than you do. Stress is tearing you apart but with some self care you can find yourself again.
Change can be so beautiful but sound scary!
Somebody or something in your life has got to be causing the stress. If you want to change your mood you have to change your situation first. Change is scary but many times neccessary for a healthy mind.
A healthy mind is neccessary for a healthy body. See how that works. People are out here on multiple meds, drugs, alcohol, addicted to food all that just because there living situation is “toxic.” So afraid of what others may think or what may happen if you leave or change anything. Realize, your slowly killing yourself.
What is more important?
Basically comes down to two results…you being alive or you being dead.
Here are some examples of people or things you may want to change or fall back from ASAP!
Memory hoarding (keeping familiar things such as furniture, letters, pictures).
Focus like you’ve been given x-ray vision…
Start by focusing on yourself everyone will be fine without you for a while. If work is a problem go to your doctor and get the paper work filled out such as an fmla (family medical leave act).Click for more info regarding fmla That paper will protect your job while you deal with stress. Someone you trust can keep the kids.
Do whatever you need to help yourself calm down and relax, that is step 1.
Go to YouTube and find stress relief music, listen
Get a massage
Sit in a jacuzzi
Detox from social media
Cry (this is a natural pain reliever)
Go to the gym
Go camping be one with nature
Create a journal, write down your thoughts and feelings
Have a girls night w/ close friends (dinner, wine & laughter)
The collapse is real…
Heard of a mid-life crisis, emotional breakdown, psychotic behavior? We just let the stress pile up until the brain says enough and acts out like a two-year-old who hasn’t had a nap in a week! Can you imagine? Everything starts to go wrong!! I’ll just list a few catastrophes.
Change in menstrual period
High blood pressure
Change in weight
Heart attack symptoms
Not trying to scare you but…
That’s not even the half of it! Stress can and will kill you if you dont take control. People really do die of broken hearts so be careful who you allow into your life. Stress will cause something like diabetes to become life-threatening and very complicated. How can your body fight when you have allowed it to be weakened, it’s defenseless and constantly under attack.
Change can only happen if you allow it…
I understand change is very hard but sometimes it’s vital to survival. I had to leave my home town at 28 because I let someone toxic in my life at 15. That meant saying good-bye to everyone I loved dearly except my kids. Once you get to the point where you can’t think, your filled with rage, and you hate your life “your experation date is way past its experation date.” Some of us like to call it a ” breaking point.”
We all have choices we just don’t all choose wisely. They say if you love someone you should let them go but if you had to let them go in the first place something wasn’t right. They say “go with your first instinct”, well it isn’t always correct. They also say ” be a leader not a follower.” I say it’s your call, your life, your mental health…your decision.
Your only alone if your embarrassed or your ego’s on steroids…
The important thing to understand is there is a wealth of support services, agencies, and just general help in any area you live in. Why do you think this is? Well apparently you are not alone in your situation, people out there just like you are having to make life-changing decisions on a daily basis. So much so that “help” agencies have been placed all around the world.
Nobody has to know unless you tell them, I have stopped speaking to my family because in order to help myself I had to leave my past behind. I really don’t need help remembering my shortcomings, that I’m not perfect, or that I’m struggling…believe me I am fully aware! This is the reason I couldn’t move on, they constantly reminded me of what I was trying to forget. They were constantly throwing my cries for help in my face.
Speaking of family…
In my situation the people that hurt me the worst I called “family.”
I would reach out thinking they’ll help or give me some great solutions that may help. Unfortunatly when I did they put me down and talked about me to the rest of the family. Guess what, my strength prepared me for that so they can keep that same energy once my situation improves.
You walk into an agency and say “I need help,” no judgment they ask “how may I help you?” These people are trained to understand you need positive vibes, hope, encouragement, an ear to listen to, someone who cares or atleast pretends to care about how your feeling (ya know the stuff family doesn’t do).
Not classifying all family…
Some people have great family support but they are still judgmental and again, the last thing you need when your already climbing an uphill battle. I like to believe I am special, important, beautiful, highly favored, a queen…even at my worst. I’ll give anybody my last and here I was surrounded by a bunch of leeches that would actually take it.
Im going to repeat this…
Again, accept help from someone who specializes in your particular situation, this way you can avoid a bunch of unneeded stress and jump right into seeing positive results. Your also surrounded by others that are going through similar situations if not worst.
Remember nobody can fix it but you so be confident and reinforce positive thoughts! Remain clear of energy drainers and those in secret competition with you.
Eat but proceed with caution every thing’s tainted…
We are all struggling or suffering in one way or another some just hide it better than others. So many people are hurting on the inside but on the outside others are envious of these people. I always tell my kids “worry about yourself.” “love thyself offensively” “be grateful for your blessings.” “Who are you to judge?” “Negative energy feeds a negative mind” Positive energy feeds a positive mind.” A negative person can feed a positive person but a positive person becomes sick when fed negativity.”
Steer clear & avoid the epidemic…
Too many people out there wanting what others have, it’s a sickening, sad, embarrassing degree of hate & toxicity for all exposed to feel. Yes, hatred and jealousy are diseases and they are very contagious.
Ever feel like you been hurt by the people who swore to love & protect you? Negative energy is much more common to encounter than positive, sad I know. Kinda like police brutality on innocent lives. People of color don’t like calling the police, being they ain’t really rooting for us. I don’t call my family because they ain’t rooting for me the way I do for them. Those closest to you are the ones who are able to hurt you the most. Betrail is hurtful, embarrasing, and down right wrong nomatter who it comes from.
Family & friends be disguised as snakes and rats these days…
You need them the most, always been there for them, pray for them every night yet they don’t pick up when you call. You try to stay positive but the negative energy they direct your way is to strong. You see they just went on a shopping spree as it’s all over Facebook yet you just asked for some serious financial help. Instead, they talk down on you to the rest of the family. Life happens to the best of us and when it does you expect those you love and trust to be a positive influence.
I’ll be the first to tell you it is an extremelly gut-wrenching feeling! Good thing my mom hurt me before anybody else could so I got that bounce back! I also forgive them to allow myself to heal but will always remember that negative mentality they showed me everyday. I tell them to keep that same energy as I enjoy my blessings…period!
My brother and my kids are the only people I know who wouldn’t intentionally hurt me. You see they watched me first hand become one with the struggle. They also had front row seats as I sacrificed & endured so much pain just to see them smile.
Don’t blame the struggle…
So again, the struggle didn’t make me cold those people who turned on me did, don’t get your feelings twisted. Like I always say “the struggle love everybody” it’s that fake love that’ll mess your mind up if you allow it to. Negative energy is out here causing people to hate, be envious, steal, cheat, etc. Today I embrace my struggles they made me aware, strong, and an overachiever. I believe nothing people tell me and trust no man. I do my own research and trusting only myself has gotten me a further distance than anybody I ever met has. When you find what works for you and has helped you reach your goals, stick with it.
This is why I’m here to let you know you don’t need them, blood or not if they’re stressing you best believe its depressing you! Move past it and love them from a distance.
Respect is earned but not when were talking about ourselves. You should respect yourself & trust in yourself more than anybody. Everyday you should be brushing your teeth and bathing because you respect your body. When you look for a man he should respect you but never think it should be more than you respect yourself!
See, if he goes out and cheats then comes back and tells you he did that’s disrespectful! When you find out through others that’s also disrespectful. Not only did he betray your trust but at that very moment you should be realizing he doesn’t respect you. Once you make your mind up to stay you loose your self respect… This cycle will repeat until you get your self together and take back your self respect which was stolen from you. Yes, stolen because you wanted love or what you thought was love and let your guards down.
Sadly many will stay until they have only one smidget of respect left and with that they leave & it takes time to gain the confidence needed to pick yourself back up again. To grow consistently you have to leave the past alone and focus on your future only.
Don’t hurt yourself tryna hurt somebody else…
Many people will act out of hurt, pain, anger, and frustration. These emotions have no respect and they just randomly hurt innocent bystanders. You have to go somewhere away from others and heal. Cry because crying relieves pain. Write a letter to that person & don’t hold anything back! Your not going to allow anyone to see it, it’s just so you can relieve the pressure inside.
Whatever is killing you inside get it out, this type of stress is hard on the body & can eventually take you out! Talk to someone if that helps but don’t go crying all vulnerable into a situationship.🤦🏾♀️ Do not use your beautiful temple for payback! The biggest payback is staying yourself & growth, somebody gonna