Memory Fucking Lane😔
I used to not love myself at all! I allowed a man to beat my self esteem out my lifeless body. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is the silent behind closet doors stress killer amongst women normally!
My mom was & still is an alcoholic. My father was too but he did stand up for me but what do you do when I keep going back. I wanted the family I never had with the dog, big house & white fence.
Reality was I was raising my brother at 14 my self esteem was barely hanging on as a young girl and I had no parental guidence. My grandma raised me until she passed away from cancer when I was 12. After that, I was told it wouldn’t look right if I lived with my grandfather although he helped my grandma raise me. I was forced to live with my evil mom, she wasn’t caring, compassionate, loving just drunk.
Here comes “Prince Fucking Charming”🙄
I never seen it coming I was 15 and he was 18 but so charming, loving, helpful & giving. He became my best friend for a year & a half before we even had sex or become a couple. He never forced himself on me, a perfect gentleman. He too was raising his little brother with the help of family of course. He would give me & his sister money for our school clothes. He treated his family with respect especially the women.
I then got pregnant with my first, our first at 16 and I had her when I was 17. I wanted to go to prom and he was to old but refused to allow me to go with another guy. I should have known then the little signs I ignored! We were so happy I couldn’t even imagine him ever hurting me! My mom said I was going to have an abortion but he refused to sign. He told me I’m beautiful all the time, he gave me everything I was craving. He spoiled me. Our daughter wanted for absolutely nothing and neither did I.🥰
After the baby’s came…😳
He turned into everything I despised, after our third I didn’t know him. We had our daughter first then planned to have a son & he became his junior. The last baby was a surprise & I was so close to having an abortion, sheesh I was so young. I remember his grandmas words “Shamara if you have enough bread for two you have enough for 3.” She was right!
I was pregnant at the ages of 16, 21, and 23 with his precious babies. I worked, I went to school, I cooked, I cleaned and I walked with my head down. What more did he want? An abusive man will take all your willing to give! I gave him 12 years of my life as he cheated, had other babies, and hit me. Ladies you know they won’t change you have to love yourself enough to leave!
Strength overcame my soul❣
One day I reached my breaking point. My 10 year old daughter looked at me & said “mommy why do you let daddy make you cry?”
O’ no, she’s going to think a man is suppose to treat a women this way & so will my son!
I promised them “no more”! One night as he slept I packed 4 suitcases one for each of us. Although I was pregnant w/ #4 I knew it would never work. With all the stress I miscarried *everything happens for a reason*🥺
I took those 3 babies and we went to a women’s shelter. They paid for a bus ticket for us to go to Washington, at the time we lived in Pennsylvania. I wanted this man to fly, swim, take a boat all that to find us! He wouldn’t even allow me to move on in his presence but I had to watch his infidelities.
I’m a survivor💪🏽
Yes hunti, I been here in Washington for 10 years. I believe I can make it snow in HELL, I swear he had me living there! I have overcome my doubts, fears, resentments, even the pain in my heart has healed.
I found two great men who treated me like royalty. I was with one 8 years one daughter.💞 He was the best replacement in the world! The kids had a wonderful childhood because of him.
The other man I’m currently with, it’s been 4 years & were just getting stronger! He supports & motivates me to be better everyday!
You have so many ways to be free, you just have to want it. Dont let them tell you “nobody wants a women with kids.” Best believe real men are out here just looking for a real women, plain & simple. I wasn’t looking either time they perused me. I doubled my worth and believed in all of me, I started feeling myself again! Yesssss had to put that crown back on & shine it up!👑
I embrace my scars they remind me how far I’ve come & how hard I fought to tell my story today.
Your nobodies punching bag & verbal abuse is just as bad if not worst in some situations. I allowed him to talk to his kids they had nothing to do with our problems and I knew he loved them. After awhile he just replaced them with new kids but that still didn’t fill the void he was missing in his heart.
You know you never realize what you had until its gone and its thriving in somebody else’s life.😪 Don’t fall for “I’m gonna kill myself” “I’ll change” “I’ll do counseling” “please one more chance.” Its not real love it’s an illusion of what you feel like it should be. Although you want it so bad listen to your brain “its lies.” The heart forgives but the mind don’t.
The Pain will heal with time🌹
It took exactly 5 years to pray that man outta my heart! I remember the day I was able to forgive & just be happy for him. All I wanted was him to be a father and till this day I pray & wonder what life would have been like for my kids if I stayed. Not stayed with him but just stayed in Pennsylvania. I left behind family and very special friends but I’m alive and thriving so I still pat myself on the back.😎 *girl you did that*
Take one day at a time & never stop #lovingthyselfoffensively!
🗣 Shine like the diamond you are beautiful! He just don’t appreciate how much your worth…xoxoxo